update pala from tita lulu:

date:jan 22, 2004
subject:updates!!!!!!!!!!!!


Carlos Miguel:

I know...know.you miss updates but what can i do? i dont have something to tell you until recently. Remember Carlos Miguel--- filchinese friend whom i have fallen in love with? dont wanna mention it here caused im really worried if this message would be missent to the highschool egroup. anyway, i think all of you know that i told myself in my last update that i need to move on,etc etc. much to my consternation, its not that easy especially when i go home to legazpi. I know that he has been dating someone (or more) and he even mentioned that he is into a serious relationship cause he's not getting any younger. i've nothing against that...he's a perfectly normal guy with needs and wants (chuks! sexual?). i was so much looking forward to the holiday season cause i get to see him. ahhhhhh....... i forgot to tell....this september i went home and i textd him that i was in legazpi and when can he treat me out (charing!!!!!!!!). he said he just had operation on his leg because of basketball chuva. me naman, i believed him (love nga di ba?) so twas okay with me. unfortuantely (or is it fortunately?) i saw his car while i was driving. i know his car plate no---WMK something and i saw him (or is it my overactive imagination?). he was wearing sando pa nga and that was around 7 am. i was a bit shocked (di lang a bit ha really really shocked). i couldnt believe it. the first thing that immediately crossed my mind was that probably he was on his way to the basketball court or the airport to jog. leg injury ha.........i coudnt believe that he would go to such extent as to lie to me just to avoid me (feeling ko kung hindi pa sabog mundo dahil sa US-Irag war, sasabog pa la ng that time....chuks!!!!!!!!) how could i be so stupid....right??????? with that incident, i didnt text him ever. since i got back to manila, i have been texting himbut just forward messages ( di ko matiis eh, you cant blame me ha....im human----not an animal chika!!!!!!!!!!!1 i make mistakes and can be so stupid sometimes in love-----love ba talaga??????? basta yun na yun...) never did he replied.....of course, its easier said than done----moving on, forget..... etc but its that hard.....

december: days after i went home, i textd him re when can he treat me out....i was really hungry then and wanna go out....he said he was full and asked for my landline no. we talked over the phone.....and i asked him about this girl ( itago na lang natin siya sa pangalan maria mercedes...chuks!!!!!!!! say, parang telenovela ang aking kuwento..take notehindi ako ang kontrabida ha.............) i asked him about maria mercedes, etc......and kung sila na.....matagal, pero inamin na rin niya...... sila na....asked him since him and he answered secret...(letse!!!!!!!!!! pa-secret secret pa ha feeling mo artista). believe me while i was talking to him i was gritting my teeth and tumitirik mata ko ha sa inis sa selos, sa sakit (say!!!!!!), all of the above ba. honestly, i wasnt that hurt...twas only until now (as in this january ha that everything sinks in----he has a gf and probably its for keeps and guess kung saan ko na-realize yan??? sa simbahan last week...kaya siguro ko pinaparusahan ng diyos....). so while we were talking someone yata texted (and i dont need a genius IQ to know that twas his gf) so he told me i'll call back,etc. i know its impossible kasi twas his gf siyempre matagal usap yan di ba.

The next time i saw him was in our high school reunion. He got fat and was kindda sloppy(usually di-tuck in pa yan di ba, minsan pa nga muscle shirt). We didnt have much opportunity to talk kasi he was with the guys and i was with the girls ( girl po ako although maraming di naniniwala.... saaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!). His buttons on his shirt was open and i was feeling bored so i suddenly looked at him and saw his unbuttoned shirt ( ewan ko ba di na ko makatingin sa mata niya...pagibig ba ito o ano???????). believe me, i felt desire----this intense desire to kiss and caress his neck ( nasobrahan yata ko porno movies chuks!!!!!! or nakulangan---which is it?) i sont know cant explain ba...eh yung neck pa naman niya maraming nunal and namumula mula diyos ko ilayo mo ko sa temptation ( too late). i dont know exactly what happened to me at that time....probably repressed or stressed or depressed (chuks!!!!!!lahat na ng "ssed") alam bniyo ba the feeling na near yet so far.....he was so near (asin two seats apart lang kami pero hindi ko man lang mahawakan....ching!!!!!). After the reunion, he asked me "oh kumusta ka na? told him tumataba siya and suggested na baka hiyang sa gf niya...he agreed kasi his gf tumataba rin (ha!!!!! buti nga) thought to myself maybe because palaging lumalabas or too much sex...saayyyyy.exercixe yun di ba....). asked him when can he treat me and then he told me to just text him said ok and we parted (parting is such sweet sorrow aka juliet or romeo di ko alam nalilito na ko sa pagibig chux!!!!!!!!ano baaaaaaaaaaaa...). texted him again a few days later but he didnt reply.....sabi ko baka lang (baka nga di ba) may problem with globe connection so texted him again......alas!!!!! di rin reply.....at that time i felt and realized that he was really gone for good...(tang!!!ngayon lang na-realize di ba.....)tanga.....siguro but we tend to make excuses for things that we dont like to see........it was blatantly obvious or maybe i justified lang his actions.....but the truth was staring at me......(di ko makit masyado kasi malaki nga ilong ko di ba tsaka medyo sarat----im not fishing ha....). kaya nga nag-friendster ako (chkuks!!!). Now, i dont know still depressed (ayokong magpaka-ipokrita) but i know that there is still hope.....aslong as he's not married there is still hope...pero napapagod na rinko kahiihintay.....pretend to be a sympathetic listener and a good friend when all i really want is to go beyond the bounds of our friendship....(chuks!!!!!!! isang gabi lang solve na ko........whatever!!!!!!!). maybe its about time to close the final chapter about me and carlos miguel........siguro hanggang telenovela na lang talage kami............. hehehehehhe.....

disclaimer (again): the incidents mentioned do not exist inthe imagination of the writer nor are characters product of the author's imagination (no matter how gorgeous she is----chuks!!!!!!ano kinalaman nun? ). they are based on facts experienced by the author herself (much to her disgust). any comment would be greatly appreciated and should be forwarded to her email address to somehow (if not entirely to cheer the author up (charing!!!!!!!!!!!)