belinda,

that's true, i just hope that there's more to my life than this.
sabi nga sa maid in manhattan, what we do doesn't define who we are.
o diba, kahit super saykolow ng movie na yun, pa-quote pa rin ako.
chuks!

napaka-uneventful ng recent life ko dito sa states.
naging monotonous na, gising, pasok, lunch, uwi, dinner, gameboy or book, tulog.
tapos pag weekend, either tennis or movie.
somehow i feel that i deserve so much better than this.

nakwento ko naman sa inyo na may 30 people na kukunin ang safeway?
may mga nakausap na ang management dito, may offer na sila.
so far, wala pang nag-a-attempt mag-contact sa akin.
not that i'm interested, pero alam mo yung feeling na nasa list ka?
yung may power ka to accept or decline the offer,
unlike in my case now, i feel somehow rejected.
basta gumawa na lang ako ng decision,
na pag walang offer from safeway, i'll shift careers na.
i've always wanted to go out of IT, might as well use this opportunity now.

in terms of love-that-cannot-be, mukhang yun na nga.
i'm beginning to doubt myself, na i won't able to find anyone.
last night, bago matulog, naisip ko lang bigla na would i die alone?
i mean, would i die not knowing what it feels to be loved?
not love from family or friends, but love from someone meant for you.
it's true na i had a boyfriend, once, but it was nothing.
i mean, there was nothing substantial, nothing to cherish.

i'd like to rationalize my fear na it's ok to die alone,
for as long i get to experience a lot of things.
but then, no matter how hard i try to convince myself, it won't get through.
during times like this, experience won't give you any comfort,
but the realization that you've wasted your life doing something else.
nothing can console but a warm body lying next to you,
whispering words of sweet and wicked nothings.

this coming february 7-9, punta kami ni glen sa arizona.
pag pinag-uusapan namin yung plan, small things pino-problema nya.
like paano yung kotse, yung kotse, yung kotse.
sabi ko, ayoko mag-waste ng time thinking about stuff like that.
napaka-petty para pag-isipan, lalo na 1 month away pa.
wala lang, naisip ko lang this morning, is glen = marlon?
although he's worried about a car, tapos ako, my love life,
hindi kaya we're just basically doing the same thing?
worrying about things we shouldn't worry about?

if this is not midlife crisis, i don't want to know what it is.
i'm still young, batang-bata at sariwang beinte-tres anyos.
wish ko lang, nasa powerbooks ako ngayon,
hawak ang book of answers, nang matanong uli:

would i ever find true love?

chuks!

:)